It's about to get real up in here

It's official. At almost 31 weeks pregnant, I am just now getting anxious about this baby coming. And when I say anxious, I don't mean "Oh! I can't wait to meet this baby!", I mean "Please baby, stay in there until we are really ready". I know that sounds awful, and I know deep down, of course I want to meet our baby. But I'm scared. I'm scared I'm not going to be a good mom. I'm scared that I won't be able to keep our house clean (because who am I kidding, I don't keep our house clean as it is). I'm scared I won't be able to keep LoLo happy. I'm scared that Bronx is going to feel neglected and start acting out.

This past week has been a really hard one. I've cried a few times. I've sat here thinking, "I really should clean up around here" and then proceeded to take a 2.5 hour nap instead. I registered us for a childbirth education class and realized that the only weekend we could do it is the first weekend in August. 3 weeks before our due date. Which means there's always the possibility that we won't make it.

And I know LoLo is feeling anxious too. He's been ignoring things that normally he would have just done, like mowing the lawn. Our lawn is 3 feet tall. No exaggeration. I asked him this morning when he thought he'd be mowing it and he said, "I don't know...someday." and continued playing on the computer. When I asked him if he was just going to sit and play on the computer all day he said "Yeah, probably," even though he knows we have so much to do to prepare for this baby. The nursery is almost completely painted, but it has sat "almost done" for almost 2 weeks. (After I originally wrote this, he went outside and mowed the lawn and then came inside and cleaned the bathroom. Good husband.)

I know he's having a hard time and that he's getting just as worried as I am because when I get anxious, he is usually the one to come to my rescue and remind me that everything is going to be ok. But he's not doing that right now. He's stuck with his own emotions.

I have been really lucky to have a really easy pregnancy so far (knock on wood). I've coasted through with barely any pain and barely having to change my life. This week though, I finally started feeling some aches and pains. I finally wasn't able to tie my shoes myself because I can't bend over.  And I think it finally hit me. I'm having a baby.

30 weeks...and why I'm the worst!

Why hello there, strangers!! I'm the worst blogger ever right now! It's been too long since I sat down and wrote for this here blog. But in my defense, I've been a little busy.

I spent 2.5 weeks away from home. At 7 months pregnant. Working all of those days except for 1. Spending 8.5 hours on a plane. Twice. Missing my LoLo and my little Bronx the whole time.

I owe you all pictures of my trip to Paris and I won't forget to put them up. But right now, while I'm still catching up from such a long time away, I wanted to give you a little update on the pregnancy. Somehow I am 30 weeks along! This time is flying, just like everyone told me it would. We are in June. Our baby is due in August. How is this possible?!

Over the past month or so, I've felt the movement more and more. This baby loves kicking and punching and dancing merengue. One night in Paris, I was laying in bed on my back and the baby was moving so much that I could see it moving around like a little alien inside of me. I would put my iPad on my stomach and the baby would kick it off. It was times like that where I was sad that LoLo was all the way back at home, still at work while I was going to sleep, missing those moments.

I'm feeling good. I'm sleeping well and eating well and overall pretty happy, minus a few emotional moments. I took the pictures above at the end of my work day so my ankles were a little swollen, but otherwise, I've been feeling great. I've gained about 9 pounds up to this point. I'm really happy with my weight gain and my doctor says it's totally fine since I started out with some extra pounds.

When I see this picture, I can't believe how big my stomach is. It doesn't feel like I'm that big. Sometimes when I go to sleep, I wake up having forgotten I'm pregnant. Then I try to get up and I remember.

When I got back from my trip, Bronx wasn't quite sure what to think. He definitely kept his guard up for a while before actually warming up to me and cuddling like he did before. Once he started cuddling though, he kept resting his head on my stomach. I'm actually really happy that he had so much time with LoLo while I was gone because Bronx has finally learned to trust him. It makes me so happy that these two bonded over missing me!

I promise that my next update won't be 10 weeks from now when I am holding a baby (writing that sentence just totally freaked me out!).

How have you all been??