The Evolution of Friendship

A couple of weeks ago, I saw this quote twice in one day:

via

During much of the time that I lived in New York, I had a group of friends that I had made during college. Fast forward about, oh, three years to the present day and I am minus several of those friends. I won't get into the whole story here, but suffice it to say I learned who my real friends were around a pretty significant event in my life.

Coming home to Maine was a decision my husband and I made because we were ready to settle down and feel more financially stable. What we didn't expect was that coming home to Maine would help us to examine some of our friendships and realize who was really worthy of our time.

In another post, I talked about how I think that sometimes New Yorkers are selfish out of necessity. When I look at those "friendships" that I've since lost, I realize that those people were selfish by nature and selfish out of necessity. I'm not saying they were mean on purpose (or at least some of them weren't) or that their selfishness was also malicious, but what I'm saying is that they were people who had lived lives that led them to think of themselves first because previously, they had been in survival mode.

I think during college, I was drawn to these people in particular because we shared feelings of not fitting in. We shared stories of struggling to assert our identities in a place where we were different from most of the other students. And even though I hadn't really had to be in survival mode like some of them, I felt like I fit with them more than anyone else at school.

As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that there are others who can relate to my struggle to find my identity and who are passionate about the same issues I am passionate about, yet have values much closer to mine. My parents taught me to care for others, to be considerate of others, and to always think about how my actions could affect others.

Marriage, work, family, and taking care of a puppy leaves little time for friends. And this is one place where I am selfish. I only share my limited free time with people who deserve it; people who support me and care for me, and who see friendship as a two way street.