Warning: Another controversial post... the word Ghetto

Can we talk about the word "ghetto"?

Recently, I have read a few blogs and heard a few people that I respect use the word "ghetto" and it absolutely amazes me that people are still throwing that word around like it's no big deal. Slowly, many of us have been able to stop using the word "gay" to mean stupid because we understand that gay does not equal stupid, but for some reason, the use of the word "ghetto" is pervasive and still popular.

Throughout our society, we project the image that black, hispanic, and/or poor equals inferior. The use of the word ghetto is a perfect example. What do you think of when you think of the word ghetto? Do you think of country music? Do you think of skinny jeans? Do you think of white guys in polo shirts? I can almost guarantee that you don't. I won't bore you with the history of the word ghetto, but its real meaning has been lost and has been replaced with a more derogatory meaning that has become synonymous with black, hispanic, low-income, and ultimately, inferior.

Think about it. When you say, "OMG, that car is so ghetto!", what are you really saying? You are saying that the car isn't as good as another. Yes, you are talking about a car, but what effect does your word choice have? You are equating ghetto with not as good.

 I'm tired of people with privilege never having to think about their privilege and being allowed to use words that perpetuate the image that people who live in ghettos, and I mean true ghettos, aren't as worthy or as important as people who do not. I'm tired of people of color receiving the message that they are inferior.

I know that most people do not use the word ghetto with the intention of perpetuating stereotypes or the image of inferiority of people of color. But to me, the intent isn't as important as the impact. When groups of people consistently receive the message that they are inferior, they start to believe it. This belief absolutely contributes to the cycle of poverty that exists in America's true ghettos. I saw it repeatedly in my life and work in New York City. 

What impact could we have if we stopped using the word ghetto? As individuals, it may not feel like much, but as a collective group, the impact could be great. It has to start somewhere. Perhaps language cannot stop the cycle of poverty, but I truly believe it can slow it.

Last summer's frustration

Last summer, on the day we closed on our house, I found out that the place where I worked would be closing. 11 of my co-workers were laid off in June. I was one of the 3 employees who remained after it was announced that our workplace was closing in September. Between June and September, I worked from home, but there wasn't a lot to do since the place was closing.

I spent last summer agonizing over finding a new job and what I would possibly do if come September, I didn't have a job. I spent the summer trying to enjoy our new home, while also trying not to think about losing it.

Our house

Last summer if you had asked me, I would have told you that the summer was really difficult. I had a boss who fired me and re-hired me in the same meeting. During that meeting he also asked me if I had ever heard of Think Thin bars and hinted that I might want to try them. He ended the meeting by saying he was really excited to continue working with me.

I spent a lot of the summer feeling anxious and unable to relax. In addition to dreading meeting with my boss, I worried constantly about finding a job and paying bills.

To distract myself, I painted our kitchen, living room, sun room, and bedroom. I unpacked. I tried to make this house feel more like a home.

And in September, we got Bronx. Being home allowed me to train him and spend the important first few months with him.

You might remember that I totally believe that everything happens for a reason. As tough as last summer was, I know that I needed to go through it and that actually, it ended up being perfect timing. I had the time to take care of our home, I had time to give Bronx exactly what he needed as a puppy. And none of this would have been possible if I hadn't had to go through that tough summer.

Sitting here one year later, I know that I'm lucky to have come through last summer with such little damage. We still own our home. Bronx is a well-adjusted little peanut. LoLo and I are stronger than ever.

I said it once and I'll say it again... everything happens for a reason.

Call me when you're done being cranky

Today at work I was in a pretty good mood. I felt happy. I felt productive. Then LoLo called and he was in a horrible mood. He needed to know what we were doing this weekend so that he could schedule an appointment Saturday morning. The problem was that I knew we had somewhere to be but I didn't know what time.

Apparently I am not only LoLo's wife but I'm also his calendar. And if I don't immediately give him an answer to his questions about his schedule, he turns into a monster. Ok so he wasn't a monster but he was just pretty dismissive after I didn't give him the answers he wanted. I got over it and chalked it up to his job and the long day he had. I enjoyed the rest of my day at work.

Later, he got home and was still in his bad mood even after I gave him the information he needed. He huffed around, barely talked, and gave short answers to every question I asked.

And then I caught it. The bad mood bug. It hit me quickly and furiously and there was no immediate cure.

I talked to my mom and found myself getting short with her. I tried reading blogs and it helped for a little until LoLo gave me the last short answer I could take.

I went upstairs to the bedroom and shut myself in with only my iPad to try to cure me. My phone rang and it was my sister but I knew I had the bug so I ignored it. I finished a great book I had been reading. My sister called again and I picked up but I warned her, "I'm feeling really cranky right now so I don't really want to talk." She told me to "call back when you're done being cranky."

My family is used to my crankiness. They know that my mood changes at the drop of a hat. And I'm pretty lucky they put up with it. I catch the bad mood bug from people around me all the time.

Over the years I've tried to work on it. The fact that I was able to even warn my sister was a step in the right direction. Normally I would have tried to pretend things were ok and then just blown up.

But I think the most important thing is that I need to surround myself with people who don't carry the bad mood bug inside of them. I can't be exposed to it. And when I am exposed to it, I need to remind myself that just like my sister said, I can be done being cranky. I can get rid of it.

I've got to go now, I need to call my sister back.

The LoLo Tour of Astoria / the Bronx

During our week in Astoria/Long Island City (those are neighborhoods in Queens for those of you who are not from NYC), we mostly stayed in the neighborhood like I told you yesterday. We walked a lot and spent some time in our favorite places.

The first part of Astoria that you see coming off the highway

As we walked around, LoLo told me stories about his childhood in Astoria/LIC. LoLo is usually pretty quiet about his life B.E. (before Erin) and usually I have to get all of his stories from his family. Lucky for me, they are pretty free about sharing info with me! But for some reason, during this trip, LoLo was feeling pretty nostalgic.

via

This is where LoLo went to High School. He told me all about going here and how he used to sneak into the soccer/baseball/football field next to the school to hang out with his friends and meet up with girls.

Then, we walked a little further to a really quiet street and suddenly LoLo said, "This is where I had my first kiss." Awwww how cute! Right near the spot where he had his first kiss was this mural. We decided to strike our most "New York" pose:

Also in LoLo's neighborhood happens to be a Mister Softee base (I know!!) so there are trucks coming in and out of the neighborhood at all hours of the day and night. LoLo took the picture below and wrote this caption: "This truck was taking the turn at 90 mph so that Erin the ice cream chaser couldn't catch up to him!"

 On our way home from New York, we got stuck in traffic on the Hutch so we stopped in the Bronx in our old neighborhood to try to wait out the traffic. Fresh Tortillas is a hidden gem of the Bronx.

Yes,  you read that right. Fresh Tortillas: Chinese, Japanese, and Tex-Mex food. All in one place. Cooked by the same people. I know it sounds weird... we definitely thought it was. But then we tried it and we were totally hooked.

Yummmm

Their sushi is so fresh and so good. Honestly, I haven't tasted better sushi. These are our standby California Rolls.

We also love their bubble tea. Mango for me, blueberry for LoLo. If you're ever in the Pelham Parkway area of the Bronx, you need to go to Fresh Tortillas!

Till next time, Queens (and the Bronx)! You have treated me well!

Oh and since Bronx is the real star of this show, here he is having a fit. At first I couldn't figure out what he wanted...I tried feeding him, I tried giving him water, and nothing. But then I picked him up and he curled right up on my lap and was as happy as could be.

Birthday Week in New York

When LoLo and I go to New York to visit our family, we seem to slip into a little bubble. A bubble that we barely come out of. I actually kind of like love the bubble.

Our bubble is LoLo's family's apartment in Queens. When we go to visit, we barely leave the neighborhood. This visit was no different.

When we arrived Tuesday afternoon, Danny's brothers and sister had decorated the apartment for my birthday.

 Later that night, we ate an amazing dinner that LoLo's brother Sito made. Milanesa (fried steak), rice, beans, and salad. Then they brought a cake for me. Strawberry Chocolate Mousse Cake from one of our favorite places, Omonia Cafe in Astoria. (Check out their website it's pretty snazzy!! yes I just said snazzy.)

Sito, Me, LoLo, Matthew, Yuyin, and the babies (I swear I wasn't torturing her!!)

On Wednesday, we visited the Socrates Sculpture Park, the scene of one of me and LoLo's first dates. LoLo was hoping to get some inspiration for his art (he draws, makes sculptures, etc.) but of course, we decided to visit the day it was 109 degrees outside. It was a little too hot for babies, puppies, and well, for us too, so we went home after about 30 minutes. 


And our winner for bad idea of the week was ordering Chinese food after almost suffering heat stroke that day. Note to self: Don't eat greasy, salty Chinese food on the hottest day of the year.

Most of the week was spent hugging and squeezing and loving on Margaret and Eleanor. They are 6 months old now and are smiling and laughing and are just so cute! As my mom said, they are totally mini-Santanas. As you can probably tell by now, there's no mistaking who LoLo's brothers and sisters are.

Little Margaret

And even though I've told you all a bunch of times I'm not ready for children, seeing LoLo with the girls is so precious. He's so good with them and so sweet to them. It's so cute!

Tune back in tomorrow for the rest of birthday week! But in the meantime, my little peanut, Mister Bronx has gotten his second infection in a month. He now has a little rash down near his private parts. And you know what that means!

Back to the vet and back in the cone!

"Really Mom???"

FSN (Funny Side Note): The Vet Tech today is a woman who actually works at Bronx's doggy daycare and she told me that Brutus really misses Bronx. Well, Brutus, Bronx really misses you!

Birthdays, Babies, and (no) Blogging

The last time you heard from me, I was talking about turning 30 and how I felt about it. That was a week ago. The longest amount of time I've gone without blogging since I started. And I have to admit: I missed it. I missed hearing from you all and I missed my creative outlet. I had every intention of blogging while we were in New York for the week. But then I heard this:

And I wanted to give them my full attention. Can you blame me? I don't know about you, but I can't resist cute babies who laugh. And when there are two who seem like they are laughing with each other? Even better.

Last week was one for the books. Monday was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. I ate cake twice (and again on Tuesday). My sister organized a surprise blog party with some of my favorite bloggers (thank you all again, you seriously made my day... yes Em, including you). My LoLo took me to dinner at a sushi buffet and then surprised me with a very special present...it started with this card. It made me think of Michelle from Mish Lovin' Life!

He loves enhancing cards with his art...lol

Then...I looked behind my seat and saw this:

So I opened it and saw this:

Which I then opened and saw this:

Last year, he told me I could have a puppy or an iPad. Obviously, I chose Bronx. But this year, my LoLo bought me an iPad!! He knew I wanted one for a long time and he finally got it for me. I love it!

I had such a fun trip to visit my family in New York, but I'm also happy to be home and back to blogging. I missed you!! Come back tomorrow for more birthdays, babies, and finally, more blogging.

Happy Birthday to Me

So today I turn 30 years old and I'm actually hoping I don't get as much attention as I got on the day I was born. I'm struggling with feeling old and don't really want to be reminded that it was 30 years ago.

It feels like just yesterday I was 22, moving to New York all by myself. But it wasn't. It was 8 (!!!) years ago. And today, I am 30.


I can remember laying on my parents' bed with my dad one warm August night when I was 7 years old and he said, "I can't believe you're going to be in 2nd grade. You're getting so old!"

I also remember once when my dad called me at the babysitter's house on my birthday at exactly 3:54 pm because that's when I was born.

Oh and my favorite cake my mom ever made for me was the cake that looked like a baseball field and had Teddy Grahams as the little players. There was grass (green sprinkles) and dirt (hmm I think that was brown sugar?). It was perfect.

Now I'm 30. We had carrot cake last night for my family party. Yes, I'm truly 30. We had a cake with a vegetable in it and I loved it.

They say that you're only as old as you feel. I feel like I'm still that little girl on my parents' bed, feeling so old because I was going into 2nd grade.

Little Erin, circa 1986

What happened to all of those years in between? Where did they go? Is it just me or does time go faster when you are older?

Keep me in mind today, as I struggle not to feel too old. And may my next 30 years bring me as much happiness and love as my first 30...if that's even possible.

The Evolution of Bronx

The other day, my buddy Tiffany from The Coffeehouse posted pictures of her puppy, Sherman, as he's grown up. I loved the idea and it seemed very timely since Bronx was born exactly one year and one week ago (shhhh I know it would have been better last week!). So here's my post for today: The Evolution of Bronx.

When LoLo finally agreed to get me a puppy, I had done lots and lots of research already. I wasn't 100% sure what breed I wanted, but I knew I wanted a little dog. I didn't want one that was too yappy. But then I looked online and saw Bronxy's little face, I knew he was the one.

When I went to meet him, I knew I was right. His siblings were all yapping and jumping and going wild. Bronx was asleep in the back of the little play area while a couple of his siblings jumped and rolled right over him.

Bronx's first night with us. Look how small he was compared to my feet!

I was absolutely in love as soon as we got him home. How could you not be with that tiny little face??

Everyone comments on his name. We named him Bronx because we moved from the Bronx back to Maine and wanted to keep a little reminder of our life there. Turns out he's pretty tough.

This little man stole my heart.

Yes, I do put my puppy in clothes. He gets cold, ok?!

Pirate Puppy! Arrrrrrrgh!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bronx and his "Aunt" Harriet (my parents' dog)

He's such a little man!! Ignore the Bill Cosby pillows. They came with the couch.

 And for those of you wondering how the little man is doing as a cone head, well, he's doing pretty well. He's learned how to move with the cone on. On Monday morning, Bronx decided it would be a good idea to wake up around 5 am and test out walking in the cone...which would have been fine had he not crashed into walls and made tons of noise, waking me up and waking LoLo up 2 minutes before his alarm.

So Tuesday night, I made sure that wouldn't be happening again. I give you, "Puppy Barricaded".

No escaping this little set-up!

One more week and this puppy will be cone-free! I can't wait to get my little peanut back and let him sleep in his crate again. He seriously loves it in there and I feel horrible not letting him sleep there. But when you have a big cone head, you can't fit in your crate.

Take that as a lesson, Bronx. Cone heads have no fun.

Serendipity

Me at Serendipity 3 in NYC. Yes, I bring out the Kool-Aid smile when a large ice cream sundae is placed in front of me.

No, not that kind of Serendipity... Not the kind with about 10,000 calories. I'm talking the "Everything Happens for a Reason" serendipity. Although the 10,000 calorie Serendipity is nice too.

Yesterday, my new co-worker told me a story about how he and his wife, who is over 8 months pregnant, have been living in separate countries for several months due to circumstances they could not control. The job he accepted with our company happens to be sending him to the country where his wife is currently living, about 3 weeks before their first child is to be born.

When he told me this story, all I could think of was "Everything happens for a reason". The job became available right when he was desperate to find a way to get to his wife. Things like this don't happen by accident. 

I'm not a hugely religious person, which is no surprise to those who know me. I was raised Catholic, but after high school, I found myself going to church much less frequently. But I will be the first to admit, there is a bigger power out there.

Sometimes we can't understand why things happen to us. Why we have to endure physical, mental, and emotional pain. Why we have to struggle. Why we have to watch others struggle.

I don't know the answers to these questions, but one thing I do know is that with every struggle I have gone through, eventually, I have been able to see why it had to happen. Sometimes it takes years before I see the reason, sometimes much less, but I always end up understanding. And because of this, I know there is someone looking out for me. Maybe it's my grandfather. Or my Auntie Evie. Or my Uncle Mike or my cousin Julie (they were both tricksters!). Whoever it is, I know they are making sure that from every struggle, I learn.

My husband was supposed to be in downtown Manhattan on September 11, 2001, but someone forgot the tools they needed to do the job they were assigned so instead, they were on their way back to Queens when the first tower was hit. I bet in the moment when they realized they forgot the tools, they were frustrated and angry. But I bet in the moment when they heard what happened, they were relieved.

Regardless of your religious beliefs, it's hard to deny that there are many happy accidents that have no clear explanation. Whether that happy accident is making it back to your wife just before she gives birth to your beautiful new child or heading in the opposite direction from a major terrorist attack or getting delayed on your walk just long enough to run into an old friend, serendipity is truly the work of something much greater than us.

And because I want to end this post on a funny note, this quote:

The Fashion Award

Yesterday at work, my co-worker told me, "I saw you walking into work today and I decided, you get the fashion award for today...and actually, you pretty much get it every day." Then she put a set of plastic mardi gras beads that she had on her desk over my head. That officially made my day!

Here's a picture of what I was wearing:

Shirt: gap outlet, Pants: marshalls, Shoes: Target

The shirt is sheer with a blue and black pattern, but of course you can't see that in this picture.

I take pride in trying to look nice, no matter what my size. As I've talked about before, I've pretty much always struggled with my weight. I try really hard though to put an effort into what I wear and convey the message that I am confident. Because honestly, I know that beauty comes in all sizes.

Do I sometimes often wish I were skinnier? Yes, yes I do. But do I think it's important to work with what I've got while I figure out how to make that happen? Absolutely.

I've seen what it looks like when a woman gives up on herself. I've seen the baggy clothes, the elastic waistbands, the major fashion faux-pas. And sometimes I see myself heading down that path. On days when I just feel like nothing looks right, sometimes I wish I could just wear a tent to cover it all up. But I also know that every time I wear something that I feel really good in, my attitude is different. My confidence shines through. I smile more (I know you find that hard to believe, Em).

Sometimes, it's nice to get a little reminder that people notice the effort I'm putting in to looking good. And today's fashion award did just that.

That Carrie Bradshaw "Friend"

Everyone has that Carrie Bradshaw friend. You know, the one who, no matter what topic you bring up, somehow turns it into a conversation about her. You know what I'm talking about. If you've watched any episodes of Sex and the City, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Carrie does it in just about every one.

Right before this clip, Samantha was complaining about not being able to get into a private pool a block from her house. But instead of letting her complain, Carrie just haaaaaaaaad to change the subject to herself.

Really Carrie? Can we please just go through one conversation without having to talk about you?

I definitely have had really close friends who did this. And the whole time I was friends with them, I wondered to myself, "When is it ever about me?" (Take that! I have a blog that's ALL about me!)

The "friends" I've had that have been the most selfish have mostly been from New York City. In all seriousness, the sociologist in me wonders if this is a New York phenomenon. Think about it. 8 million people crammed into a tiny area. If you aren't selfish, you won't be able to grab the "scarce" resources (a seat on the train for example). Being selfish is a survival technique. Now I'm not saying all New Yorkers are like that, but I've just found that what many call the "New York Attitude" may be caused by a need to be selfish in order to survive. I know I had that attitude when I lived there.

Don't get me wrong, I love talking about myself. We all do. But at what point does it become selfish and inconsiderate?

Have we turned into a society of self-loving, if it's not about me I don't care, I want it and I want it now monsters? Are there so few people left in the world who actually care about others that we've come to accept selfishness as the norm?

The next time you find yourself in a conversation with your friends, stop yourself for a minute and think about how much you've actually listened. How much have you asked about their lives? How many times did you change the subject back to yourself a la Carrie Bradshaw?

 Oh and because I feel the need to talk about myself and a day when I really do make it all about me, my birthday is in exactly a week!!

According to LoLo...playing the lotto

Remember a few months ago when people went crazy over the Powerball? Mister LoLo was definitely one of those people. He said to me, "Erin, I know this is against your beliefs to play the lotto, but we have to play."

He's right. Playing the lotto is crazy to me. Yes, sometimes people win. Sometimes they win a lot. But have you noticed that many of the winners are already relatively wealthy?

If you don't mind, let me make another reference to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and my not so favorite character, Veruca Salt. (So many valuable lessons in that movie! Not to mention candy ideas...I'm still wondering why the REAL everlasting gobstopper has not been perfected. It could be the solution to my weight problems! I digress...) Veruca won because her rich father bought up thousands of boxes of chocolate so that she his somehow all female workforce could find the golden ticket. The lotto feels the same to me.

But despite our not-so-rich status, LoLo begged me to forget my principles buy a ticket. I gave in. I bought one ticket.

We got excited. We dreamed about what we would buy. LoLo even made this list (keep in mind English is his second language and sometimes his spelling is a little off...but cute nonetheless):

#11 is "Keep a safe of pocket change LOL". And by pocket change, he means hundos.

A second honeymoon! His US citizenship! My dream car!

We lost. (Obvi). But I asked to keep this list because it says so much about my husband. There is not one item here dedicated to video games. But there's a condo or house in Florida for my parents to go and spend the winter there for Red Sox Spring Training. There's money for his mother. There's money for cancer research in honor of the battle his sister recently won against Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  He didn't ask for a dream house. He asked to fix and add to the house we already have because we bought this house together and have turned it into a home. He even thought of letting me go back to school to get my PhD!

But #15 is one of the biggest reasons I love LoLo. He is who he is. Millionaire or not. He's authentic. He's a cute, nerdy, Dominican boy with a great sense of humor and he will never try to be anything else. And I wouldn't want him to be...Even if he were rich.

Guest Posting at Traffic Jelly

Hello friends!!

I'm so so so excited to be guest posting over at Traffic Jelly today. Alix is an amazing woman with a heartbreaking but triumphant story so to be able to get some space on her blog is such an honor.

Today, I wrote some advice to my younger self. Go check me out here!

A Whole New Empirically Erin!

Welcome to the all new Empirically Erin! I'm so excited about the new blog design my sister came up with for me. Not only did she completely re-design my blog, she also took pictures of me, Bronx, and LoLo! Check a few out in my "About Me" section.

Don't you love how they came out?

Now, go check out her cute blog here and tell us which one you like better!

Happy 4th of July everyone!

Things I thought were normal

So a few weeks back, I told you that my family is strange. Remember? The nicknames? The answering machine? No? Read this.

Back to my family being strange. We totally are and I'm ok with that. As I've gotten older, I've realized that things I totally thought were normal actually aren't. My sister and I have conducted formal research into things we thought were normal but have since realized are not. We took a poll of our friends (ok so we really asked like 1 or 2 people) to see if their families quote people/situations that happened 10+ years ago. They said no. So no answering machine stories for them or quoting cartoons they watched more than 20 years ago. Hmm how strange.

All of this leads me to something I've started to realize in the past year or so. I have a ridiculous memory. I thought the way I could remember names and faces and things that happened to me and gifts people gave me years ago was normal. But I'm realizing it's not.

Me, minus the sticky notes and string. via

Several months ago, I was in JFK in New York flying back to Maine. While I was in the security line, I saw a woman who looked very familiar but I couldn't place a name to her face. A few minutes later, I realized it was my friend's mom, who I had never met before. I had seen her in a couple of my friend's facebook pictures, but never met her or seen her in real life. I almost went to say hi to her but then I realized, this is not normal. She is going to think I'm a stalker if I go and tell her, "Oh! I recognized you from the 2 pictures of you on Facebook!"

Another example is one of the traditions the Italian side of my family has at weddings. I don't actually know how or why it started (maybe my family can help me here??) but it is amazing. As long as I can remember, we did this:

My Aunt Anne, my Grampa, and my Noni at my Aunt Janine and Uncle Brian's wedding! (Thanks for the pic, Aunt Janine!)

Yes, you are seeing correctly. Those are napkins/doo rags on my grandparents' heads. And that's what I'm talking about. I thought this was normal. Go ahead, take a second to laugh at me and how crazy my childhood must have been to actually believe this was normal.

Apparently I thought it was so normal that I allowed it to occur at my wedding as well. What can I say, I love tradition.

LoLo, Aunt Theresa, and me at our wedding

Aren't they cute? Are they normal? Well, maybe not. But that's part of why I love my family! And part of how I knew LoLo would fit right in. He's not normal either, but he's just the way I need him and love him to be. A normal guy probably wouldn't get my family. LoLo gets us and loves us just the same.

So even though I've realized there are so many reasons my family and I are not normal, I've also realized I wouldn't want us to be any other way. Normal is so overrated!

My weekend with cone head

It all started on Wednesday. Bronx couldn't stop licking his paw. By Friday, the paw was red and really swollen. So I put a sock on him to try to get him to stop licking.

Puppy in a sock.

After going to the vet though, we found out he had an infection in his paw. So, my little peanut, aka my little baby, aka my little Bronxy, aka my puppy Bronx spent the weekend wearing a cone.

Doesn't this break your heart?

The (only) funny part? He won't move unless you move him...so you can pose him however you want. As soon as you take off the cone, he runs and jumps and plays like normal.

I had to pose him to lay down!

The little man is going to have this cone for 3 weeks. 21 days.

Finally resting in the cone

Bronx turns 1 year old on Thursday. Happy birthday to you, Bronx. Please accept my gift to you. A $24 plastic cone that turns you into a statue.